Burquitlam Station @ Bay 3

When I was a young boy, I took the bus here on a fine April morning. The issue wasn't that I was late, just that the bus driver that day was off his rocker on that blasted Pink Drink. Something was clearly wrong the second I stepped foot in that bus. The bus driver, Bart, whipped his head around to stare right through me with his cold, dead eyes. Dressed in his sunday best, he was raring and ready to go up until the point where some peewee waste of oxygen scanned their concession Compass Card. He puts his hand on my shoulder and said: "I am a meat popsicle," so I took it upon myself to call up my RealHomeboy® Chris Hansen to get me out of this pickle, which prompted the nearby police station to empty itself with an explosive force to rival an IBS sufferer on laxatives in order to deal with this Avengers-level threat. Three 200-pound masses of pure muscle ripped this scrawny man out of the driver's seat and threw him into the hot, summer sun. Listening to the death throes of the translink employee, John Quiñones finally cracks and steps out from the Shoppers Drug Mart, cameras rolling, and pushes through the crowd to congratulate me on my quick wit and determination to do the right thing. Bart pops out of the sun and falls back down to earth, sticking the landing in the McDonald's parking lot and apologizes to me for breaking the show's non-contact policy for minors. Obama, Einstein and Mr. Clean all show up to pat me on the back and grant me a grand prize of $100,000 and a girlfriend (without even having to talk to a girl!). Thus, the moral of the story is to never trust any public service worker as they could be a puppet of Big Entertainment to steal information on how we think and how much money we have left on our bus passes. #showtime #inspirational #strangerdanger